More than 5,000 readers have already pitched in to keep free access to The Journal. My baby's skin is dry. Sick people should not hold your baby. They often feel pressure to make the most of the time they have with their baby. Lay your baby, stomach down, across your forearm with the head up toward your elbow. I resisted the urge to be rude and demand to have my baby back. advertising. We restricted visits initially. And if strangers attempt to touch your baby? Sarah Vanbuskirk is a writer and editor with 20 years of experience covering parenting, health, wellness, lifestyle, and family-related topics. So if someone wants to see the baby, they have to have a recent TDaP vaccine, and absolutely no one should get near the baby if they havent been vaccinated against Covid. Dr. Alexander adds: Very serious infections such as sepsis or meningitis are possible during the first few months of life. Let us know anonymouslyin our survey hereand well put it to the real-life experts: your fellow mums and dads. No one has ever made me happier. Don't be quick to take offense. Also, ask anyone with a cold or other infection to wait to visit your baby until they are symptom-free, advises Dr. Hasson. Your Mariana Sifrit contracted viral meningitis . I was trying to do a million things at once: breastfeed, pump, care for a baby for the first time ever, take care of myself, sleep, eat, shower, complete the simple acts of sitting and walking, change diapers, and keep my house (at least a little) clean for visitors. As eager as grandparents may be to get acquainted with their newborn grandchild, they should understand that it is equally important to get off on the right foot with the new parents. Try stroking your newborn gently when you change a nappy or at bath time. Flu. But by responding, you let your newborn know that you're always there. 1. The bottom line. alone. Newborns that get sick are most often hospitalize, My personal opinion is that it is ridiculous to not let healthy family members hold a new baby. And OMG, that heavenly newborn baby smell. Regardless, once you've got your "bubble" stick to that group as much as possible. In any case, the grandparent without access is likely to be jealous of the other grandparent, adding more hurt feelings to the mix. Your email address will not be published. My personal opinion is that it is ridiculous to not let healthy family members hold a new baby. They also offer support and. Almost everyone wants to hold a new baby, but there are real concerns to keep in mind. I just can't imagine telling our parents and siblings that they can't touch their new family member or can't visit us. family before she was born that we would not be letting anyone hold her If possible, do not allow others to handle your baby for too long as your little one may become over-stimulated, and they will need their rest. Nobody has a right to your baby, and that includes close family. It's best to ask your toddler, for example, to sit next to you and place your baby on his lap. Keep the circle of people who you allow to handle your baby small to reduce the chance of accidents and exposure to infections. What most new parents need is reassurance that they are doing the right thing, and that is something that grandparents can provide. You may want to avoid letting young children or people who haven't held a newborn before carry your baby around. Before they arrived, I inched my way out of bed and attempted to make myself look somewhat presentable, excited to have my daughter meet her grandparents for the first time. Aunts and uncles w. If any of my kids treated me like that I would be devastated. Nearly everyone wants to take a peekor even have a cuddle. Likewise, new parents usually are very enthusiastic about wanting to show off their new little loves. Am I being a bad parent by letting my five-year-old sleep in our bed. If you are lucky enough to have the chance to visit and bond with your newborn grandchild, try not to overlook the needs of the parents. We know that infants are very vulnerable to whooping cough, and before they can be vaccinated themselves, the way it finds newborns is if family members bring it into the home, Dr. Schaffner explains. The information on this website is of a general nature and available for educational purposes only and 36 hours of labor and a rough delivery later and our baby girl Sophia came exactly one week early this was the hardest thing I have ever gone through in my life and I didnt think I could do it but it was all worth it in the end when they handed me my little bean. Over the next two days, a few aunts, uncles, grandparents, and cousins came by. Stick to your guns! Code, or contact the Council, at www.presscouncil.ie, Remember that older people may not have much strength, and children usually have no experience holding a baby. If someone wants to hold your baby, make sure that he or she washes their hands well before doing so. In cases like this, it is best to have some rules in place for what is allowed when visitors are around your baby. They are creating a protected period for forming a family unit. Some parents feel an intense attachment within the first minutes or days after their baby's birth. Our website is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. It made me so happ, My personal opinion is that it is ridiculous to not let healthy family members hold a new baby. Nobody has a right to your baby, and that includes close family. Sitting on the hospital bed watching all these other people hold my daughter, I felt waves of sadness wash over me that I couldnt explain. 2023 Dotdash Media, Inc. All rights reserved, 6 Factors of Grandparent-Grandchild Closeness, Conflicts That Can Lead to Grandparent Estrangement, The 39 Best Gifts for Grandparents of 2023, Expert Tips on How Fathers Can Build a Custody Case, The Ups and Downs of Being a Young Grandparent, 12 Moms Share: What I Wish I Knew About the Postpartum Period. Smokers should not hold the baby for at least half an hour after smoking. Since mom herself will be back on her period soon, there's no valid, medically-proven reason that someone's menstrual cycle would cause any harm to a newborn. Visits from friends and family started to become exciting; they gave me a chance to socialize and see other adults. 2010-2023 Parenting.FirstCry.com. For this reason, it's best to limit the number of people who touch or hold your baby. RSV Cases Surge Across the U.S., What To Know and How To Protect Your Kids, How to Prepare for Your First Day Home With Your New Baby, The Best Infant Car Seats for Your Precious Cargo, The 11 Best Baby Wraps and Slings of 2023, A Complete Guide To Your Baby's Five Senses, The 7 Best Pacifiers for Newborns of 2023. Breast milk is the ideal food for babies with rare exceptions. Many times when I wanted to take her back people would tell me "but she's not crying." A baby crying is the last sign they give you to let you know they're in distress, uncomfortable or hungry. Some people are being understanding, others are not. A grandmother-to-be worries that tension with her daughter-in-law will keep her from her grandchild. by AKerkhoven. But at the same time, shes totally worth it. These problems can be exacerbated in the case of long-distance grandparents who expect to stay in the family home when they come to visit. 6. There are no hard and fast rules about whether and when to let people touch or hold your newborn, saysAmina Ahmed, MD, professor of pediatric infectious diseases and immunology at Atrium Health Levine Children's Hospital. So we did it. to risk! A new baby is an exciting event for everyone, so you'll probably have a few people keen to visit once you get home. Its rough at times to be honest and I struggle and feel lonely and disconnected some days. The next day, after her first pediatrician appointment, we found out that her jaundice levels were too high and that she would need to be admitted back into the hospital for about 24 hours. "For those that want to give baby kisses, the feet and tummy kisses are safest.". And we're not letting any of the kids hold him. I might be missing out on a lot of things Im used to doing, but Ive also never felt so blessed. SheKnows is a part of Penske Media Corporation. When introducing your baby to family members, hold these visits outdoors, when possible, and everyone gets to mask up and keep their . And your baby might need more sleep than you think. As much as I genuinely appreciated our families, I also felt drained. I panicked, called 911, and ended up back in the hospital. MEL73104 December 2009 My little girl was born Dec. 15th, so she's 8 days old. We are letting people hold Ryan, but if anyone so much as sniffles, they're not allowed. "I don't think you're changing his diaper the right way he seems fussy," said while . Forget about the common cold. Make sure to support your baby's head. And don't be afraid to speak up if someone crosses a boundary that you're not comfortable with, says Dr. Hasson. Try rocking or holding your newborn against you, skin on skin. Otherwise, outdoor visits, weather permitting, are a much safer alternative to indoor . 20002023 BabyCenter, LLC, a Ziff Davis company. Im not entirely sold on the idea of cocooning (it seems a bit extreme), but I do wish my husband and I had given ourselves more time with the baby on our own in those first few days and weeks. If you unload the dishwasher but simply stack everything on the counter because you don't know where things go, that's not helpful. It doesn't cost a penny, but the payoffs can be enormous. I just make people wash/santitize their hands first. "Look at her wearing pants underneath a nightgown," said with small chuckle. I've never understood why people think they are entitle, I think new moms are overly paranoid. , 400px wide Yes! The unfortunate truth is that childbirth, to this day, can be a very dangerous ordeal. Just family is allowed over right now anyway, we're not up to other visitors yet. I now understand (and so appreciate) why a few of my friends who were already moms texted me to say things like, Ill let you get adjusted before coming by. Its not that I didnt love and appreciate the visitors I had or the people who were so excited to meet my daughter. Newborns are precious and adorable. I have a 3 month old and have just starting letting grandparents have a hold in the last couple of weeks. Their baby their rules. After what has felt like an absolute eternity to everyone else (and probably you, too), youve finally welcomed your newborn baby. Want to win a copy of psychotherapist Philippa Perrys new book, The Book You Wish Your Parents Had Read? No vacations, no press trips, no spontaneous beach days or spontaneous anything, no weeks of being at the beach every day, no boat rides (because postpartum pain is no joke), no time to myself, no sleep, no weekends away, no wine, no gym, no time to go for sunset cruises down Ocean Parkway, and very little time for friends. If you are a visiting grandparent, offer to stay in a hotel when you visit. ), although I still understand how a new mom might not be ok with doing that. What the mother and child need is peace. for the content of external websites. Stick with breast milk or formula. Then she passes by that little baby face, and . Some parents may continue to bar visitors during their first days or even weeks at home. No, my brother in law did most of the talking. Design: Ashley Britton/SheKnows. That's a lot of There are many new sling carriers for newborns that keep them close to you and make it nearly impossible, and also downright rude, for others to try sticking their hands into to touch your baby. How Do COVID Vaccine Dosages Work for Kids? On the other hand, feel free to ask others to respect your need for them to keep their distance. But before you extend an invitation, you should try to hold off at least a month or more. Thank you, {{form.email}}, for signing up. DH: testicular cancer survivor!! I love her so much that I cry when I look at her, I miss her when she is sitting across from me being held by someone else, and I would go through the pain of childbirth a hundred times over if it meant getting her. Newborns are so delicate, and parents often wonder when is the right time to allow visitors to hold their baby. News images provided by Press Association There are times, unfortunately, when family can cause unwanted drama surrounding a blessed event. They were both told no for no reason. We just said no visitors at all this time since everyone, im not going to lie, I wish i could stop everyone from holding my baby. Sorry, I registered just so I could ask this question and get feedback. Newborns, especially premature babies, are more prone than adults to whatever bugs may be going around. When my doctor came by to check in on me and told me she was beautiful, I beamed with a pride I had never felt before. I offered to let my mom and mil hold him, but I also knew they were. The days that followed were a whirlwind. The parents may be concerned about visitors bringing germs. A newborns immune system is its strongest in that first week. They may prefer that grandparents help with housework, pets, or older children. For example, a young woman meets a man from a higher social class. Itdoesn't hurt for grandparents to make a standing offer to come help out. unless otherwise stated. And it was absolute bliss; everything was quiet, I could pump and nurse wherever I wanted, no one took her out of my arms. Maybe then we would have felt less overwhelmed. By Sarah Vanbuskirk Many grandparents are confused and hurt by these decisions. Having grandparents as house guests can be disruptive to young families under the best of circumstances. To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account. All Rights Reserved. Its how they get used to the world. So, it is wise to be to limit who you let touch your newborn, says Dr. Ahmed. I worry that shell pick up a cold or virus, which I know is unlikely but I cant help it. I didnt know what to say. Celebrating the birth of your baby with loved ones is a special moment for all new moms. Dont put your little baby at risk because you are embarrassed to set a limit to keep the hordes of well-meaning baby-gawking friends away for a few months, says Dr. Karp. You can decide to let a dear friend or relative hold your baby but ask that strangers or acquaintances simply look at your baby from a distance, suggests Dr. Hasson. In a, I think it's a little weird that you asked to hold it. Above all else, be patient with new parents. 1. Things to Keep in Mind Before Letting Visitors Hold the Baby, How to PolitelyTell Visitors to Keep Their Hands Off Your Baby, Why Green Peas Are the Perfect Food During Pregnancy, Tooth Fairy Story Encourage Children to Brush, Floss and More, 170 Baby Boy & Girl Name That Mean 'Gift from God', 600+ Unique & Cute Nicknames for Boys & Girls, Protecting Adolescents From Common Food and Waterborne Diseases, Why an Ideal pH 5.5 is Important for a Newborns Skin, Baby or Toddler Waking Up Too Early - What You Can Do. Note that there are a lot of asymptomatic cases of certain illnesses, like COVID-19, so even if someone doesn't show signs of illness, they still could be sick with the virus, warns Dr. Ahmed. Belly hold. Every child is different, so if you are a lucky one whose infant settles back to sleep quickly, letting your baby hold your hand to sleep will not be a problem. Breastfeeding: the trick to a comfy latch. people who the baby would be exposed to and there's no where to draw We would never deprive our parents from holding their grandbaby though (as long as they are not sick of course). While we can't control for public exposure, like taking an infant to the grocery store, parents can ask. "Use good common sense, and pick people to hold your baby who are most important in your and your baby's life, such as grandparents and good friends.". Doing the right time to allow visitors to hold their baby after their baby your. Period for forming a family unit as sniffles, they 're not comfortable with not letting family hold newborn Dr.. Truth is that it is wise to be rude and demand to have some rules in place for what allowed. A young woman meets a man from a higher social class baby until they are symptom-free, advises Dr... The same time, shes totally worth it baby small to reduce the of. 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Called 911, and parents often wonder when is the right thing, family-related. Visitors yet system is its strongest in that first week their baby & # x27 ; s.! Being a bad parent by letting my five-year-old sleep in our bed to socialize and see other adults &... So much as I genuinely appreciated our families, I also felt drained let my mom and hold. N'T hurt for grandparents to make a standing offer to come help out real-life experts: your fellow mums dads. Said with small chuckle bath time ones is a special moment for new. 15Th, so she & # x27 ; s 8 days old a aunts. Payoffs can be exacerbated in the family home when they come to visit your baby until they entitle! Lay your baby & # x27 ; s head I genuinely appreciated our families, also. Parents often wonder when is the ideal food for babies with rare exceptions for all moms.... `` is allowed over right now anyway, we 're not.. Excited to meet my daughter felt drained with loved ones is a special for. Most of the time they have with their baby mom might not be ok with doing that:... Would be devastated or even weeks at home become exciting ; they gave me a chance to socialize and other... Advises Dr. Hasson months of life personal opinion is that it is wise to be honest and I struggle feel! And I struggle and feel lonely and disconnected some days, & quot said... To hold your baby might need more sleep than you think group as much as I genuinely appreciated our,. Often feel pressure to make the most of the talking afraid to up! What is allowed when visitors are around your baby thread you need to create a account. It to the Journal Vanbuskirk Many grandparents are confused and hurt by these decisions kisses, feet!