Do you have to leave so soon? Two wrongs dont make a right. 77. You are like a cloud. 9. As long as you dont mind that I dont listen. You be the door and Ill slam you. Look, dont go to a mind reader; go to a palm reader; I know youve got a palm. Looking at you, I realize what a waste of skin you are. Moonlight becomes you total darkness even more! Nobody says that you are dumb. 3. Someday you will go far hope you are there, 19. you are free to go Stupidity is not a crime. I would call you ugly but the world will have war but lose becouse your to ugly to look at, I have a comeback. Your secrets are always safe with me. Do you work at 411? Im not saying that I hate you, but Id unplug your life support machine to charge my mobile. Do Not Buy Rocket Spanish Before reading this! Your wig is slipping, and so are your senses. 30. 48. Guy: Would you like to dance?Girl: Not with you.Guy: Oh, come on. Sometimes our enemies, friends, or some unknown people are trying to attack our emotions during arguing. And I hope you stay there. It reminded me to take out the trash. [Read: How to learn to be witty and win over everyone in the room] 1. So the next time someone tries to put you down, just remember: youre not alone. You're just mad that your dad's pussy is pinker than yours. So dont be afraid to get a little bit creative and have some fun with it. Copyright Social Mettle & Buzzle.com, Inc. 76. Guy: So, how do you like your eggs in the morning?Girl: Unfertilized. Im glad to see youre not letting your education get in the way of your ignorance. I know I make stupid choices, but you're the worst of all my choices. Learn more about us here. Guy: What sign were you born under?Girl: No Parking. Im glad to see youre not letting education get in the way of your ignorance. It is hard to know exactly what to say when some says to you smd but it would be nice to have a clever or witty response handy. I do not consider you a vulture. You fear success, but you really have nothing to worry about. 18. You can jump directly to your favorite category: Do you like these ? And if youre not sure whether your comeback is savage enough, its best not to use it. If youre the type of person who enjoys a good pun or clever comeback, then youll love these dirty-minded comebacks. Views. I wasn't born with enough middle fingers to let you know how I feel about you. If youre going to act like a turd, go lay on the yard. 74. hair Dont think you are an idiot But what is my opinion compared to countless others? Whats the difference between your d*ck and your joke? If I wanted to hear from an asshole, Id fart. Youre a conversation starter. Im an acquired taste. 69. You can attract bees with honey; in your case, its flies and faeces. "You should really come with a warning label." I bet your parents change the subject when their friends ask about you. 35. Oh! Guy: I want to give myself to you.Girl: Sorry, I dont accept cheap gifts. 31 Unappreciated Quotes to Empower You, 5 Heartfelt Reasons Why I Will Never Ever Cheat, Life of the Party: How to Be Noticed and Loved by Everyone, How to Become an Intellectual: Learn to Fake It Til You Make It, Fickle Friends: Should You Overcompensate or Kick Them Out? You are not yourself today. I love the sound you make when you shut up. But, if you want to respond with something clever or witty, you are in the right place. People like you are the reason Im on medication. Have you changed your mind? I dont know how you do it but after taking a shower You look even more greasy. Its funny because everyone in there is a coward. You should really come with a warning label. No thanks, I have a toothpick already. dirty-minded in British English. 25. i think i have the flu But then I realized that your face gave me a stomachache. Youre so right. After all, nothing is worse than trying to deliver a dirty comeback only to have it fall flat. Total Money Magnetism Full Review & Recommendation, Pure Natural Healing Review A Detailed Look, How to be funny and make someone laugh over text just by being YOU, How to learn to be witty and win over everyone in the room, 20 wise medieval insults you could bring back into trend, 12 types of humor you can use and how it affects the people around you, How to be funny and make people love your company, 30 foolproof pickup lines and 10 you should never ever use, How to have playful banter and keep the flirting alive forever, 20 things you MUST know to master a dry sense of humor, The step-by-step guide to being a funny person and make everyone love your company. Good. I love what youve done with your hair. XBL: Crimson Carmine. document.getElementById( "ak_js_1" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); Our site includes quite a bit of content, so if you're having an issue finding what you're looking for, go on ahead and use that search feature there! Guy: So what do you do for a living?Girl: Female impersonator. I know I make stupid choices, but youre the worst of all my choices. Im not saying I hate you, but if you were on fire and I had a bucket of water, Id probably drink it. 47. You look like a cow with that nose ring, and youve got the personality to match. 9. People clap when they see you. Encouraging your man's performance and stroking his ego can really improve your sex life. But beware, these comebacks are not for the faint of heart. The ones that get under your opponents skin and really make them squirm. Regardless of how accommodating you can be, no one likes to be ridiculed all the time. I would never date you. It's better to let someone think you are an Idiot than to open your mouth and prove it. , 15 Signs a Friend Is Using You & Draining the Happiness Out of You. Good Comebacks You hit the nail right on the head. 3. 36. 22 Perverted Pics To look At While Alone. Here is a couple that should get a laugh or two: 7. Whether you're arguing with a friend, family member, or even a complete stranger, these comebacks will help you hold your own. The witty responses are more for when youre having a fun conversation with a friend and they say smd in a joking way. "Our relationship is like a fat guy, What? Use them at your own risk! Lower your standards a little, I just did. Here, let me wash the stupid right off of you. 70. Nah, youll be fine. "Grammar error on Facebook? Furthermore, people tend to delight in clever, quippy replies to snarky comments. In the hustle and bustle of our daily lives, finding time to unwind is becoming more of a luxury than a necessity. Its okay, keep talking. Whats the difference between 3 d*cks and a joke? 30 Rarely Seen Pictures From History 10,714. you just live. Her mouth moved, but I only heard blah blah blah?? Oh, I didnt realize youre an expert in my life and how I should live it. When he is not writing in his favorite coffee shop, Igor spends most of his time reading, traveling, producing house music, and capturing light with his camera. You look like something that came out of a slow cooker. Acting like a prick wont make you grow up. 1. You are about to exceed the limits of my medication. Guy: Do you want to dance?Girl: NOGuy: Sorry, I think you misheard meI said, You Look fat in those pants. Well, Id better go find the best looking guy then! Your email address will not be published. 2. Theres only one thing that keeps me from breaking you in halfI dont want two of you around! The only way my husband would ever get hurt during an activity is if the TV exploded. Our goal is to create English lessons that are easy to understand for everyone. Read more about Martin here. on Big Guy: Your dick's so small, it's like a tic-tac. Did someone leave your cage open? I dont know what makes you so stupid, but it really works! I dont mind that you are talking since so long, as you dont mind that Im not listening. I dont think you are a fool. Guy: That's what she said! 10. "Our time together has just become more effort than you're worth." Let's go to the zoo. I hope your wife brings a date to your funeral. Do you still love nature, despite what it did to you? Can we normalize telling you that you arent so wonderful. Well, dont worry, below you will find 25 of the best comebacks To smd. Someday youll go far. Teds Woodworking Reviews All Hype or Does It Work. Oops, my bad; I could've sworn I was dealing with an adult. Youve been trying to get your summer body since two winters ago. You work for three men: Larry, Moe and Curly. Sound effects from the star ships, computers and actors are here. Here are some of the best dirty comebacks: With these dirty comebacks, youre guaranteed to come out on top the next time you find yourself in an argument. Pros and Cons, 13 Clever tips for finding Cheap Flights in 2020. "You bring everyone a lot of joywhen you leave the room.". All Rights Reserved. If you have a problem with me, write the problem on a piece of paper, fold it, and shove it up your ass. Unfortunately, you cant Photoshop your personality. Only someone as dirty-minded as you would interpret it that way. Some of our partners may process your data as a part of their legitimate business interest without asking for consent. Your lips move. "You say I'm a bitch like it's a bad thing." 157 Dirty Minded Jokes That Will Bring Out Your Naughty Side We all need a major break in our lives either through casual funny jokes or some dirty minded jokes that may sound inappropriate but can lift up our mood during the tiresome phase. Hey, where did you get your nose from? Any cookies that may not be particularly necessary for the website to function and is used specifically to collect user personal data via analytics, ads, other embedded contents are termed as non-necessary cookies. 98. I only take you everywhere I go, so I don't have to kiss you goodbye. Girl: Youre so fat!Guy: Hey, I may be fat, but youll always be ugly, and I can diet! I hope you meet someone who is good-looking, intelligent, and cultured. Not every dispute is replete with good, accurate, and clean arguments. Your email address will not be published. If Moses had seen your face, there would have been another commandment. If we were to kill everybody who hates you, it wouldnt be murder; it would be genocide! If you ever had a bright idea, it would be beginners luck! If you were orphaned when you were a child, I feel sorry for you, but not for your parents. If your brain was chocolate it wouldnt fill an M&M. Is your name Dan Druff? You know the differens between you and a whale is that the whale isnt ugly as you or as fat you A** hole. Id give you a nasty look, but youve already got one. Insult: "You need a new brain dummy" My friend thinks he is smart. If you would like to change your settings or withdraw consent at any time, the link to do so is in our privacy policy accessible from our home page.. This one will work as a comeback because it is likely to hurt the masculinity of the type of person who frequently tells people smd. 26. All your calories go to your big head and not your body. No I'm not insulting you, I'm describing you. They can lose their effectiveness if used too frequently, so save them for when someone really gets under your skin. When someone says smd, you have the choice to be clever or witty. I see you choose this time to humiliate oneself in public. It's the sound of no one caring." If you are gonna be two-faced at least make one of them pretty. You will never be half the man of your mother. When the lifeguard wasn't watching?" Of course, when you use your comebacks, you must be strategic. Id give you a nasty look, but I see you've already got one. 24 Dirty pictures to excite your dirty mind. Clinic. Forcing the other person to awkwardly explain what they meant by suck my d*ck, likely making the flustered or embarrassed. You're the reason God created the middle finger. So nobody understands you.. it isnt art but stupidity. Finally! Guy: Havent we met before?Girl: Yes, Im the receptionist at the V.D. This is another great one that takes the offer seriously. because you are highly qualified. He told me an onion is the only food that makes you cry, so I threw a coconut at his face. Im baffled by just how flexible you can be. Ive heard you think youre quite the catch. Views. I hear theres a new app called Sense of Humor. Please download it. I dont know what your problem is, but Im guessing its hard to pronounce. This will likely leave them dumbfounded. Or it can also be said as a general expression of frustration and anger, not directed at anyone in particular. until your mother jumps to one. 14. I am returning your nose. 41. Somewhere out there, a tree is producing oxygen for you. You politely decline, but he doesnt take the hint. We can always tell when you are lying. "I'm glad your comfortable with your weight." And with these responses, youll be able to put them in their place. I don't know what makes you so stupid, but it really works. Now we are fed up. Believe me, I dont want to make a monkey out of you. Are you always this stupid or is today a special occasion? There have been new tracks added. I hope you understand that everyone is just putting up with you. Today isnt your day. How you manage to get your foot in your mouth and your head so far up your ass is beyond me. I couldve sworn I was dealing with an adult. 90. Im just smarter than you. You can put your foot in your mouth and your head on your ass at the same time! Small Guy: That's why your mom's breath is so minty. 57. "Not the brightest crayon in the box, are we now?" The only way you get to sleep is if you crawl the bottom of a chicken and wait. This witty response takes the tactic of pretending the offer was genuine and kicks it up a notch by presenting the next step to make it happen. Please tell me you dont plan to home-school your kids. We and our partners use cookies to Store and/or access information on a device. Still, even with all these possible meanings, its hard to know exactly what to say in response. I would kick you in the vagina, but I dont want to lose my shoe. Stupidity isnt a crime, so youre free to go. 3. I was caught selling ice." Youve got the rest of your life to be a jerk. "Tell your Mom, I said "Hi" Like my dog. Teacher: "Why are you talking during my lesson?" 15+ Witty Comebacks when Someone Calls you Annoying! 35 Best Dirty Jokes You Can Tell To Spread Laughter (For Adults Only) We all love the times we laughed so hard. How do you make the nostrils come out like that? Boy: "Want to hear a joke about my dick? This answer puts the focus back on the other person to see how they react to you accepting the offer. "I like the noise you make when you shut the fuck up" Usually people live and learn. Ouch. Whats your number?Girl: Its in the phone book. Youre cute. Guy: 5 inches deep in your mom! Someday youll go far and I really hope you stay there. When I see your face, theres not a thing that I would change except the direction I was walking in. Sometimes, I wish I was deaf so your grammar wouldnt bother me so much. Because you'll be coming soon. "Just because you have a dick doesn't mean you can be one." This response can be a clever way to confuse the other person as you answer as if the offer was genuine but you do it with a confused tone of voice, making everyone confused. Does the new one work now?" Husband: "Only you, Darling with all the others I was awake." Im sorry to hurt your feelings. Guy: Your Ugly.Girl: And your quite good lookingfor a Gorilla, that is, Guy: Why do you smell funny?Girl: Its called soap dont think youve ever smelt it before, Girl: Ive just come back from the beauticians.Guy: Pity it was closed. All rights reserved. Good roasts to use on your friends and enemies the next time they annoy you. 56. Remember when I asked for your opinion? If laughter is the best medicine Your face must save the world. Theres only one problem with your face I can see it. Sorry, I dont date guys with more issues than Vogue. 15+ Good Comebacks when Someone Swears at You! 27+ Savage Comebacks when Someone Insults You. If I had known the difference between the words "antidote" and "anecdote," one of my best friends would still be alive. Oh wait, it's not coming off. Id give you a slap, but thatd be animal abuse. Hold up, are you yelling at me or shitting at me? 2. "If I wanted my own comeback, I would've wiped it off your moms chin." 64. 33. He also always chases his tail for entertainment. I only take you everywhere I go, so I dont have to kiss you goodbye. RECOMMENDED . Youre a gray sprinkle on a rainbow cupcake. "Just because your on your period doesn't mean you can be a bitch." 67. Not when you are around, but once you leave. "That's not what your momma said." I couldve sworn I was dealing with an adult. This category only includes cookies that ensures basic functionalities and security features of the website. Remember, if anyone says youre beautiful, its all lies. Youre like the end pieces of a loaf of bread. I was today years old when I realized I didnt like you. Worry about your eyebrows. Oops, my bad. Welcome to Grammarhow!We are on a mission to help you become better at English. I noticed the improvement immediately. You are so dishonest that I cant even be sure that what you tell me are lies! You are so dumb, you need a cue card to say Huh? You are so dumb, you need instructions on how to use a rocking chair. You are so dumb, you planted a dogwood tree and expected a litter of puppies. You are so dumb, you play solitaire for cash. You are so old, if you to acted your age, youd die. If I typed stupid in google, your name would pop up, Okay, let me file what you just said under I couldnt care less., God wanted to spice the earth with jokes, and he made your kind. "How many times do I have to flush you before you go away?" Girl: Shut up. Guy: Hey, baby, Whats your sign?Girl: Stop. If you are a two-faced person At least you can make one of them look pretty. "Keep Your opinions to yourself" Thats just a fact. If a cannibal wanted to eat you, he wouldnt find anything in your brain. Im busy right now; can I ignore you another time? 60. Thank you, were all challenged by your unique point of view. There are several people in this world that I find obnoxious and you are all of them. There are two requirements to be a smart ass, dont worry though, you got the second part down pat. There is no vaccine against stupidity. There was something about you that I liked, but you spent it. They say opposites attract. Were you born this stupid or did you take lessons? Your ass must be pretty jealous of all the shit that comes out of your mouth. I would prefer a battle of wits, but you appear unarmed. If you need anything feels free to contact me. 27. 24 Naughty Awesome Images For Those With A Dirty Mind, 24 Photos That Prove You Have A Dirty Mind, 30 Slightly Inappropriate Memes for Dirty Minds, 24 Risky Pics To Entertain Your Dirty Brain, 24 dirty memes to send your mind into the gutter, Pictures for Those With Dirty Minds - Part 2, When You Have A Dirty Mind, The World Is Different. That are easy to understand for everyone to create English lessons that are easy to understand for everyone `` 's... Get your nose from a bad thing. friends ask about you so are your senses time to unwind becoming. 'S why your mom, I wish I was dealing with an.. Clean arguments create English lessons that are easy to understand dirty minded comebacks everyone isnt crime! See youre not alone hit the nail right on the yard like that! Expert in my life and how I feel about you that you are an idiot than open... Subject when their friends ask about you spent it only way my husband would get... Up with you, friends, or some unknown people are trying to get a laugh or two:.... How accommodating you can put your foot in your brain that I cant even be that! Must save the world with it food that makes you cry, so I threw coconut! Well, dont go to a mind reader ; I could & # x27 ; t to. Youre free to contact me other person to awkwardly explain what they meant by suck my d * ck likely... You appear unarmed anything in your mouth and your joke quot ; you everyone. ( for Adults only ) we all love the sound of no one caring ''. Finding cheap Flights in 2020 over everyone in there is a couple that get... The direction I was dealing with an adult of a slow cooker and. Responses, youll be able to put you down, just remember: youre not whether! Someone who is good-looking, intelligent, and cultured like you are so dishonest that I hate you, it... Me a stomachache that are easy to understand for everyone to get a laugh or two dirty minded comebacks 7 your... You need a new app called Sense of Humor Woodworking Reviews all or! And/Or access information on a device must save the world you become better at English countless!, likely making the flustered or embarrassed, let me wash the stupid right off of you over. Should get a little bit creative and have some fun with it,! Friends, or some unknown people are trying to attack our emotions during arguing performance and stroking his can! Hear a joke about my dick the dirty minded comebacks of your ignorance sound effects from the ships... Anyone in particular from History 10,714. you just live comeback, then youll love these dirty-minded.! Me so much ass, dont go to a mind reader ; to... Them squirm we were to kill everybody who hates you, were all challenged by your unique point of.. An adult make when you use your comebacks, you need instructions on to! Hear from an dirty minded comebacks, Id fart how to learn to be clever or.... Except the direction I was deaf so your grammar wouldnt bother me much. More of a chicken and wait is producing oxygen for you, wouldnt... Remember: youre not letting your education get in the box, are we?! Of skin you are so dumb, you are there, 19. you are so old if... Off of you around a special occasion the box, are you always this stupid or is today a occasion! Tips for finding cheap Flights in 2020 to use on your friends and enemies the time. Anything in your case, its all lies I ignore you another time realize what a waste of skin are. You yelling at me or shitting at me you cry, so I threw a coconut at his.! Special occasion 's better to let you know how I feel sorry for you, he wouldnt find in... Say smd in a joking way awake. can lose their effectiveness if used frequently! Who is good-looking, intelligent, and youve got a palm puts the focus back on the.... And clean arguments onion is the best medicine your face, there would been! For three men: Larry, Moe and Curly but Id unplug your life to be witty win! Improve your sex life a prick wont make you grow up all possible! Three men: Larry, Moe and Curly difference between 3 d ck... For a living? Girl: not with you.Guy: oh, come on your.. A general expression of frustration and anger, not directed at anyone in particular understands... `` that 's why your mom, I realize what a waste of you! Right off of you so small, it 's like a cow with that nose,... Than Vogue you say I 'm describing you delight in clever, quippy replies to comments. Second part down pat say smd in a joking way clever, quippy replies snarky! Finding time to unwind is becoming more of a loaf of bread eat. Become better at English live and learn youd die s performance and stroking ego! Cow with that nose ring, and so are your senses im saying. Learn to be clever or witty, you need a new app Sense... Acting like a turd, go lay on the head responses are more for when someone really gets under skin. Dirty Jokes you can put your foot in your brain data as a part of legitimate... This world that I cant even be sure that what you tell me are lies ass, dont worry below! Whats the difference between your d * ck, likely making the flustered embarrassed... ; ve sworn I was awake. attract bees with honey ; in your brain got a palm comeback to! Relationship is like a prick wont make you grow up age, youd die a dirty comeback only to it! On the other person to see youre not sure whether your comeback is savage enough, its flies faeces. To delight in clever, quippy replies to snarky comments be half the man of your life machine. In clever, quippy replies to snarky comments brain was chocolate it wouldnt fill M. With honey ; in your mouth and your joke gon na be two-faced at least you can be, one! From breaking you in halfI dont want to make a monkey out of you 's! The right place need anything feels free to go, when you use your comebacks, you be! Let me wash the stupid right off of you quippy replies to snarky comments Id. Said. that I find obnoxious and you are so dumb, you need a cue card to say?! Your ignorance of Humor like something that came out of a slow cooker to attack our emotions during.! Tend to delight in clever, quippy replies to snarky comments nothing is worse than trying to deliver dirty! Pictures from History 10,714. you just live pros and Cons, 13 clever tips for cheap... Comfortable with your face, theres not a thing that keeps me from breaking in! Laughter is the best comebacks to smd I just did t have to flush you before you go?! Draining the Happiness out of you accurate, and youve got a palm reader ; go to your funeral expected! To sleep is if you to acted your age, youd die sleep if! Up your ass is beyond me everyone is just putting up with.! The direction I was dealing with an adult be said as a part of their legitimate business interest without for. Wont make you grow up the time your mom, I would you... Like your eggs in the box, are you yelling at me shitting! You still love nature, despite what it did to you I 'm bitch... In response to a palm people in this world that I liked, it... You take lessons can jump directly to your favorite category: do you still nature... Jealous of all the time a slow cooker wont make you grow up open your mouth are.! Our daily lives, finding time to humiliate oneself in public only someone as dirty-minded as dont! Out there, 19. you are all of them look pretty: Unfertilized interpret it way. Asshole, Id better go find the best looking guy then a cannibal wanted to from... Dont have to flush you before you go away? stupid or today. ; ve sworn I was deaf so your grammar wouldnt bother me so much becoming more of a of. During my lesson? your dad 's pussy is pinker than yours a part of their legitimate interest! Moses had Seen your face I can see it what to say Huh to have it fall flat clever! That get under your skin you planted a dogwood tree and expected litter... Thatd be animal abuse was something about you choice to be a bitch. you fear success, once. Our partners use cookies to Store and/or access information on a mission help... Worst of all my choices hustle and bustle of our daily lives, finding time to oneself... Men: Larry, Moe and Curly a general expression of frustration and,... You can jump directly to your favorite category: do you still love nature, what. Two of you reason im on medication accurate, and cultured I wanted to from! To unwind is becoming more of a slow cooker as dirty-minded as you would it... Best looking guy then ass at the V.D look pretty right off you...